


Looking for a Lightswitch

by 10minutestothedeadline



Series: Fighting Tired [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Because of course he does, Because of course he is, Death to the author, Harry Potter Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, I didn't even know I shipped these ships, Multi, Who is J.k Rowling, he's also a mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-05-06 06:42:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14636211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/10minutestothedeadline/pseuds/10minutestothedeadline
Summary: It was probably when Neville shouted at him that it first crossed his mind: he was getting life spectacularly wrong.





	Looking for a Lightswitch

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this written in parts for a long time. It started as an innocent sentence and quickly became intense and sad. I regret nothing. I came back to it recently to avoid my university exams. So maybe some regrets. It's not been proof-read, it's not in chronological order, but nonetheless, enjoy! :D

It was probably when Neville shouted at him that it first crossed his mind: he was getting life spectacularly wrong.

*

 

"Ginny, should we have had kids?"  
"Probably not," she whispered back.

  
*

  
"Albus fucking Severus. Are you for real Harry? Go the whole fucking hog and call him Umbridge Voldemort Severus Potter, why the fuck not?"  
Neville had never looked so mad.

  
*

  
Harry was living in a flat on the other side of London when Ginny called, it was late and she didn't really like phones so he picked up, worried about the boys.  
"I'm pregnant again," she breathed down the phone, he heard her sob after.

  
*

  
"Dad, I think I like him," Albus said.  
"The Malfoy boy?"  
"He has a name."

  
*

  
Lily was born at midnight on a full moon, and Harry thought it was wonderful. She bounced more than the boys did, cried less and was more ... there was hope there.  
He didn't want to name her, he'd done so badly last time, but Ginny insisted: "Fred's eldest is Molly, Percy has an Arthur, your mother's love saved millions she deserves a namesake."  
Ginny took that namesake with her and Harry went to his flat, alone.

  
*

  
"So, this is a secret?" Draco had said as he lit a cigarette. His hand fell onto Harry's bare stomach as he took a drag, a strange citrus smell filling the room with the billow of smoke.  
"It would hurt Ginny."  
"Are you even back together?" Draco asked, his hand moving lower.  
"I don't know if we ever broke up, even when I was on the run."  
"Fuck sake, Potter, you're 19, you just saved the world, you can fuck who you want."

  
*

  
"So, our sons?" Draco asked.  
The years had filled Draco out a little, he was fuller now, softer to hold in bed.  
"Yeah, it's fucked up."  
"That we've been sleeping together on the sly for over 20 years and now our sons are gay for each other?" His voice dripped with sarcasm.  
"Pretty much."  
"Nah," he waved his hand through the citrus smoke from the cigarette he'd just stubbed out, " they’re kids, they’ll grow apart."

  
*

  
Lily took her first steps towards Ron four weeks before her first birthday. He pulled his niece into his arms and laughed and congratulated her before Harry even registered what had happened. Later that evening when Ginny returned from her match Ron was the one to tell her, standing in the hallway outside the Burrows kitchen Harry heard her ask Ron, “Did Harry help at all today?”  
Ron, ever loyal as he was lied to his sister, “yeah, he was right there. It was him she walked too.”

  
*

  
Ginny didn’t want a divorce, and Harry couldn’t understand why. He’d never been faithful to her, never been a very present husband, wasn’t cutting it as a father either. He thought maybe she had some hope, he would be better if she was patient.  
He tried telling her, “I’m not good enough, Ginny,” “I can’t do this, Ginny” but as he walked in to tell her he saw her and Luna jump apart suspiciously. Apparently, Ginny already knew these things then.  
He excused himself quietly.

  
*

  
Teddy came to Harry’s London flat one time, late at night, soaking wet from the rain, pounding his fist on the door. He was holding a broomstick and there was an autumn leaf in his hair. He barged in as soon as Harry opened the door.  
“You didn’t fly from Hogwarts did you, Ted?”  
“I had a question- “, Teddy answered distractedly.  
“Couldn’t it go in a letter?”  
“No Harry it couldn’t wait. I’m sorry – is someone with you?” he was looking at the coffee table, where there were two coffee mugs and two empty bowls of pasta.  
Harry pulled his dressing gown tighter around his body.  
“Is there someone at the door, love?” Draco asked, coming out of the bedroom, rubbing his eyes as he went. He stopped dead when he saw Teddy, his hand falling awkwardly to cover his bare chest.  
Teddy was wide-eyed, his hair, that had been a strange ashy grey was slowly turning red. A warning red not a Weasley red.  
Harry sighed as he took a step to stand beside Draco, “you had a question, Ted?”  
Teddy looked between his god father and the man he always thought was a bully. Then with one final look between the pair his shoulder slumped, “you two, huh? It figures.”  
“What?” Draco said at the same time as Harry said, “it does?”  
Teddy shrugged again and brushed a hand through his hair, finally dislodging the leaf, “ from what Professor Longbottom’s told me there was always more to you two than you admitted.”  
“You talk to Neville about us?”  
“I speak to him about everyone, everything.” Teddy replied.  
“Why didn’t you ask him your question then?”  
“I don’t know, to be honest I just …” teddy’s tone was sad again, he looked down at his feet. He didn’t have any shoes on.  
Harry left Draco’s side, running his hand down his arm as he went, he sat down on the sofa and gestured at Teddy to join him. “What was your question, Ted?”  
“Am I a werewolf? Am I - will I turn at some point?” he asked quietly.  
“No,” Draco answered quickly and sternly. Harry and Teddy both turned to him.  
“How do you know?” Teddy sounded like he didn’t know if he was curious or suspicious.  
“Fenrir Greyback, he turned your father I think – he was at the Manor a lot in the end. He liked to – he brought a lot of girls back, never turned them just – some of them had kids, his kids. They were healthy. Not cursed. He even bragged once about turning one so he could be his ‘real son’,” Draco shuffled his feet awkwardly, “your father’s disease,” he said carefully, “it wouldn’t have passed down onto you.”  
Teddy nodded, “thank you, Draco.” He looked between Draco and his god father, “I’m guessing I can’t tell anyone about you two?”  
They were silent for a moment, Draco looking very deliberately at Harry, “not yet, Teddy. We’re not ready for people to know yet.”  
Teddy nodded. “Do you mind if I crash here for the night, fly back tomorrow?”

*

Neville had worked at Hogwarts for 12 years by the time Lily made her way into the school. In the same year Gryffindor got into the quidditch final. Jimmy had written home, claiming their achievement was purely down to his prowess as a keeper. Alby wrote home to explain his brother had simply distracted him when he tried to catch the snitch for Ravenclaw and could they also please tell him to stop bragging? Lily wrote saying both her brothers were idiots, and quidditch was dumb anyway.  
Nonetheless Harry, Ginny and Ron travelled together to Hogwarts. Harry had no plans to go anywhere near the building itself, to remain only on the quidditch pitch. Ginny ignored this plan and made him go in.  
When they arrived, Neville was waiting by the solid oak doors.  
Harry remembers walking through them once, ready to die.  
But Neville stands far more carefree and comfortable in his skin than Harry ever saw him before, not far from the spot where he cut Nagini's head from her body.  
As usual Neville was more than Harry ever was. He walked to Harry, his hand held out ready to be shaken only at the last moment he changed his mind and opened his arms instead.  
Harry fell into them greedily.

  
*

  
Ron and Hermione’s first born was delivered in a muggle hospital, he was quiet and observant from the moment he opened his eyes. Harry was handed the baby straight from Ron’s arms, the first person outside of his parents and nurses to hold him. Ron proudly exclaimed his best friend and first born needed to meet immediately. As Harry held him the baby blinked up at him, Harry couldn’t help feeling like the baby knew he wasn’t really that important.

  
*

  
Jimmy wasn’t a very good keeper. The rest of the team played desperately and cruelly to make up for his severe lack of talent, they didn't win.  
Draco's son caught the snitch for the Hufflepuff team, and they celebrated gloriously.  
Jimmy huffed off the pitch rapidly, throwing his broom to the ground as he went.  
"Has he always been such a brat?"  
"Yes, I've given up hoping he'll grow out of it," Ginny told him.

  
*

  
Really, he hadn’t given Hermione much choice, and she reminded him of that as she fired him. She had been made head of his Auror division 2 years previously, and he’d never really been a great employee. Within the last week he had arrived drunk twice and late every single day. The earliest he’d been was still an hour late. He hadn’t been put in the field in over a year, last time he’d been trusted on a mission he’d endangered his entire team’s surveillance mission; their youngest recruit would probably have scars from the explosion Harrys misjudgement had inadvertently caused for the rest of his life.  
“Harry, I don’t want to do this, you know I don’t,” Hermione had her back to the rest of the squad but he could see through the straight back and carefully guarded mask she was putting on. Her eyes were soft, her smile small and reassuring, “c’mon Harry, do you want to be here?”  
“I don’t think so.”  
She took a step towards him, “well then where do you want to be?” she was speaking softly and carefully, he knew she’d never be this gentle with anyone else, “go home, Harry, sleep it off I’ll be over tonight to help you.”  
“Okay, don’t tell Ginny… please?”  
He might have been mistaken but he was pretty sure a tear fell from Hermione’s eye, “Of course, are you still living apart?” she was whispering now, the squad were acting like they weren’t listening.  
Harry nodded. “Have you spoken to her?”  
Tears were flooding her eyes now, “She told me,” her voice broke a little, and she wiped the tears from her eyes hastily, “about the baby.”  
Harry nodded. Of course, Ginny told everyone else first.  
“And nothing’s changed?”  
“No, Hermione, nothing’s changed, I’ll get out of your way now. Sorry, for being so… useless.”

  
*

  
Ron pulled him aside, "Mate, did you ever consider not naming your kids after famous people"  
"Like Hugo and Rose?"  
Ron shrugged. "We picked names we liked."  
"Would that have helped us?"  
"Honestly Harry, I love you, but no I don't think much could have helped," Ron shook his head as he walked away.

  
*

  
Harry woke suddenly, sweat soaked and cold all at once, his back stiff and his hands trembling.  
Voldemort had been in his dreams. Again.  
Beside him Draco slowly woke too, his hands reaching for Harry, pale in the darkness.  
All was not well. It never really had been.


End file.
